Holidays cause me anxiety.

From about November 1 to January 1 I am a mess. Even more so than usual. Having generalized anxiety disorder and depression, I know first hand what the mental health struggle looks and feels like. Sometimes I am able to identify my triggers, and other times I’m not. Sometimes my battles are internal, and other times they’re external. On top of my everyday anxiety, the holiday season adds just enough anxiety to keep things…exciting.

This holiday season, I identified several triggers:

• Buying presents
• Finding time to work
• Organizing events
• Family

On top of having regular anxiety, these things tend to bother me more through the holiday season. I’m not always the best at helping myself to relieve anxiety or find a solution to it. Sometimes it can be difficult to look past the current moment and know that things can and will get better.

This time around, I tried to find solutions to my anxiety:

• I told myself that the present isn’t what really mattered…it’s the fact I thought of them
• Being a PRN CNA can be difficult to schedule. I made sure I took time for myself to be at home and enjoy family, and worked when I could
• Having a boyfriend is awesome! He comes with a sweet personality and a whole family. That means I get twice the holiday fun. Trying to separate my family events and his was a bit difficult and anxiety producing, but I….we did it
• Seeing family all at once isn’t something that normally causes me anxiety. For some reason this year, I panicked at the thought of a big family event like Christmas Eve. But I told myself that I was allowed to be myself around these people

Overall, my holiday break was a success. Minus the few panic sessions, I would say that my anxiety (and depression) wasn’t as overwhelming as I had prepared for. When I anticipate for things to go bad, that’s what typically happens. So, it was all about anticipating the good.

Other than spending time with my family and my boyfriend’s family, my favorite part of Christmas week was being able to see a “Magic Tree” for the first time. I know it may seem silly, but I was just in awe. It was so beautiful! It was amazing to see it up close and experience it with my sweet guy.

No matter the weather or how many people saw it, the Magic Tree was lit. Much like the Magic Tree, no matter the amount of anxiety and no matter my surroundings, I tried to stay positive. It really works!