OLD POST: March 7, 2019 @ 1:37 pm

Ah, the everlasting anxiety of life. Who doesn’t love the constant feeling of being way to excited all of the time? It keeps me on my toes and makes me jump at the slightest noises. Really, my body is keeping me alert for the random apocalypse that could happen any minute. Everyone should have at least some anxiety, and if they don’t, that’s too bad. Anxiety really is the greatest tragedy to ever happen to me.

Having anxiety and having anxiety are two different, yet similar topics. Having anxiety about a high school test is quite normal. Having anxiety about a high school test while also being anxious about the squirrel you could hypothetically hit on your way home is not so normal. For me, I have the hypothetical squirrel anxiety. Sure, there are times that I am just anxious for that test; however, this doesn’t happen very often. I have a persistent anxiety that lives inside of me. No worries, it is controlled by my 100 milligram medication.

Along with the joyous anxiety I experience daily, I also get the pleasure of having depression; and no, not just the seasonal or regular teenager kind. I get to have clinical depression. I feel so lucky. It really is great, honestly. Some days I get to lay in bed all day and I don’t even get hungry. Other days, I get to cry all day without anyone asking me what’s wrong because I am well known for the anxiety and depression combination. To make things even better, sometimes my anxiety and depression like to team up and let me have anxiety attacks. Typically, they last about 20 minutes. I’ll cry, hyperventilate, calm down, and then restart the process. It helps me burn a lot of calories, so I’m not complaining.

The greatest pleasure of all is when someone without anxiety and depression tells me to just calm down, and/or it’ll be okay. You’re right, Karen. Let me just tell all the chemicals in my brain to function properly. Maybe that’ll cure me. Maybe if I tell myself that what I’m anxious about will be okay, it’ll disappear. How am I supposed to do that, when I don’t know what I’m anxious about, Karen?! Sometimes I forget that others don’t get to experience the same feelings I do; how unlucky of them. Although I’m sure life would be great without anxiety and depression, I’ve learned to adapt. Sure, medication helps, but I wouldn’t be here today if it weren’t for my hard work. That’s right, hard work. Living with anxiety and depression is hard work. Everyday I have to tell myself to not yell at that person who thinks having depression is cool. Everyday I have to stop myself from panicking over using the wrong pen on my notes. Maybe Karen, the little anxiety monster who lives in my head is right. Maybe it will be okay.

Everyday I have to live with anxiety, while my fellow classmates get to complain about being nervous for their one test. What about the squirrels we all might hit later?